The Mirror of Kong Ho Page 3

  LETTER III

  Concerning the virtuous amusements of both old and young. The sit-round games. The masterpiece of the divine Li Tang, and its reception by all, including that same Herbert.

  VENERATED SIRE (whose breadth of mind is so well developed as to takefor granted boundless filial professions, which, indeed, become vapid bya too frequent reiteration),--

  Your amiable inquiry as to how the barbarians pass their time, when notemployed in affairs of commerce or in worshipping their ancestors, hasinspired me to examine the matter more fully. At the same time yourpleasantly-composed aphorism that the interior nature of persons doesnot vary with the colour of their eyes, and that if I searched I shouldfind the old flying kites and the younger kicking feather balls orworking embroidery, according to their sex, does not appear to beaccurately sustained.

  The lesser ones, it is true, engage in a variety of sumptuoushandicrafts, such as the scorching of wooden tablets with the semblanceof a pattern, and gouging others with sharpened implements into a cruderelief; depicting birds and flowers upon the surface of plates, rendingleather into shreds, and entwining beaten iron, brass, and copper into adiversity of most ingenious complications; but when I asked a maiden ofaffectionate and domesticated appearance whether she had yet worked herage-stricken father's coffin-cloth, she said that the subject was oneupon which she declined to jest, and rapidly involving herself in aprofuse display of emotion, she withdrew, leaving this one aghast.

  To enable my mind to retranquillise, I approached a youthof highly-gilded appearance, and, with many predictions ofself-inferiority, I suggested that we should engage in the stimulatingrivalry of feather ball. When he learned, however, that the diversionconsisted in propelling upwards a feather-trimmed chip by striking itagainst the side of the foot, he candidly replied that he was afraidhe had grown out of shuttle-cock, but did not mind, if I was vigorouslyinclined, "taking me on for a set of yang-pong."

  Old men here, it is said, do not fly kites, and they affect to despisecatching flies for amusement, although they frequently go fishing.Struck by this peculiarity, I put it in the form of an inquiry to oneof venerable appearance, why, when at least five score flies wereundeniably before his eyes, he preferred to recline for lengthy periodsby the side of a stream endeavouring to snare creatures of whoseexistence he himself had never as yet received any adequate proof.Doubtless in my contemptible ignorance, however, I used some wordinaccurately, for those who stood around suffered themselves to becomeamused, and the one in question replied with no pretence of amiablecondescension that the jest had already been better expressed a hundredtimes, and that I would find the behind parts of a printed leafcalled "Punch" in the bookcase. Not being desirous of carrying ona conversation of which I felt that I had misplaced the most highlyrectified ingredient, I bowed repeatedly, and replied affably thatwisdom ruled his left side and truth his right.

  It was upon this same occasion that a young man of unprejudicedwide-mindedness, taking me aside, asserted that the matter had not beenproperly set forth when I was inquiring about kites. Both old and youngmen, he continued, frequently endeavoured to fly kites, even in theinvolved heart of the city. He had tried once or twice himself, butnever with encouraging success, chiefly, he was told, because his paperwas not good enough. Many people, he added, would not scruple to misleadme with evasive ambiguity on this one subject owing to an ill-balancedconception of what constituted true dignity, but he was unwillingthat his countrymen should be thought by mine to be sunk into a deeperbarbarism than actually existed.

  His warning was not inopportune. Seated next to this person at a laterperiod was a maiden from whose agreeably-poised lips had hithertoproceeded nothing but sincerity and fact. Watching her closely I askedher, as one who only had a languid interest either one way or theother, whether her revered father or her talented and richly-apparelledbrothers ever spent their time flying kites about the city. In spite ofa most efficient self-control her colour changed at my words, and herfeatures trembled for a moment, but quickly reverting to herself shereplied that she thought not; then--as though to subdue my suspicionsmore completely--that she was sure they did not, as the kites wouldcertainly frighten the horses and the appointed watchmen of the streetwould not allow it. She confessed, however, with unassumed candour, thatthe immediate descendants of her sister were gracefully proficient inthe art.

  From this, great and enlightened one, you will readily perceivehow misleading an impression might be carried away by a personscrupulously-intentioned but not continually looking both ways, whenplaced among a people endowed with the uneasy suspicion of the barbarianand struggling to assert a doubtful refinement. Apart from this, therehas to be taken into consideration their involved process of reasoning,and the unexpectedly different standards which they apply to everysubject.

  At the house of the Maidens Blank, when the evening was not spent inlistening to melodious voices and the harmony of stringed woods, it wasusual to take part in sit-round games of various kinds. (And while itis on his brush this person would say with commendable pride that awell-trained musician among us can extort more sound from a hollowwooden pig, costing only a few cash, than the most skilful here everattain on their largest instrument--a highly-lacquered coffin on legs,filled with bells and hidden springs, and frequently sold for a thousandtaels.)

  Upon a certain evening, at the conclusion of one sit-round game whichinvolved abrupt music, a barrier of chairs, and the exhilaratingpossibility of being sat upon by the young and vivacious in their zeal,a person of the company turned suddenly to the one who is communicatingwith you and said enticingly, "Why did Birdcage Walk?"

  Not judging from his expression that this was other than a politeinquiry on a matter which disturbed his repose, I was replying that themanifestation was undoubtedly the work of a vexatious demon which hadtaken up its abode in the article referred to, when another, by my side,cried aloud, "Because it envied Queen Anne's Gate"; and without a pausecast back the question, "Who carved The Poultry?"

  In spite of the apparent simplicity of the demand it was received byall in an attitude of complicated doubt, and this person was consideringwhether he might not acquire distinction by replying that such an officefell by custom to the lot of the more austere Maiden Blank, when thevery inadequate reply, "Mark Lane with St. Mary's Axe," was receivedwith applause and some observations in a half-tone regarding theidentity of the fowl.

  By the laws of the sit-round games the one who had last spoken nowproclaimed himself, demanding to know, "Why did Battersea Rise?" but theinvolvement was evidently superficial, for the maiden at whose memorythis one's organs still vibrate ignobly at once replied, "Because itthought Clapham Common," in turn inquiring, "What made the Marble Arch?"

  Although I would have willingly sacrificed to an indefinite extent to befurnished with the preconcerted watchword, so that I might have enlargedmyself in the eyes of this consecrated being's unapproachable esteem,I had already decided that the competition was too intangible forone whose thoughts lay in well-defined parallel lines, and it fell toanother to reply, "To hear Salisbury Court."

  This, O my broad-minded ancestor of the first degree--an aimlesschallenge coupled with the name of one recognisable spot, replied to bythe haphazard retort of another place, frequently in no way joined toit, was regarded as an exceptionally fascinating sit-round game by acompany of elderly barbarians!

  "What couldn't Walbrook?" it might be, and "Such Cheapside," would bedeemed a praiseworthy solution. "When did King's Bench Walk?" wouldbe asked, and to reply, "When Gray's Inn Road," covered the one withoverpowering acclamation. "Bevis Marks only an Inner Circle at TheButts; why?" was a demand of such elaborate complexity that (althoughthis person was lured out of his self-imposed restraint by the silenceof all round, and submerging his intelligence to an acquired level,unobtrusively suggested, "Because Aylesbury ducks, perchance") it fellto the one propounding to announce, "Because St. John's Wood Shoot-upHill."

  Admittedly it is written, "When t
he shutter is fastened the girdle isloosened," but it is as truly said, "Not in the head, nor yet in thefeet, but in the organs of digestion does wisdom reside," and even injesting the middle course of neither an excessive pride nor an absoluteweak-mindedness is to be observed. With what concrete pangs of acutemental distress would this person ever behold his immaculate progenitortaking part in a similar sit-round game with an assembly of worthymandarins, the one asking questions of meaningless import, as "Whydid they Hangkow?" and another replying in an equal strain of noconsecutiveness, "In order to T'in Tung!"

  At length a person who is spoken of as having formerly been the captainof a band of warriors turned to me with an unsuspected absence offerocity and said, "Your countrymen are very proficient in the artof epigram, are they not, Mr. Kong? Will you not, in turn, therefore,favour us with an example?" Whereupon several maidens exclaimed withengaging high temper, "Oh yes; do ask us some funny Chinese riddles, Mr.Kong!"

  "Assuredly there are among us many classical instances of the lightsayings which require matching," I replied, gratified that I should havethe opportunity of showing their superiority. "One, harmoniousbeyond the blend of challenge and retort, is as follows--'The Phoenixembroidered upon the side of the shoe: When the shoe advances thePhoenix leaps forward.'"

  "Oh!" cried several of the maidens, and from the nature of their glancesit might reasonably be gathered that already they began to recognise theinferiority of their own sayings.

  "Is that the question, or the answer, or both?" asked a youth ofunfledged maturity, and to hide their conscious humiliation severalpersons allowed their faces to melt away.

  "That which has been expressed," replied this person with an ungrudgingtoleration, "is the first or question portion of the contrast. Theanswer is that which will be supplied by your honourable condescension."

  "But," interposed one of the maidens, "it isn't really a question, youknow, Mr. Kong."

  "In a way of regarding it, it may be said to be question, inasmuch as itrequires an answer to establish the comparison. The most pleasing answeris that which shall be dissimilar in idea, and yet at the same timemaintain the most perfect harmony of parallel thought," I replied. "Nowpermit your exceptional minds to wander in a forest of similitudes: 'ThePhoenix embroidered upon the side of the shoe: When the shoe advancesthe Phoenix leaps forward.'"

  "Oh, if that's all you want," said the one Herbert, who by an illdestiny chanced to be present, "'The red-hot poker held before the Cat'snose: When the poker advances the Cat leaps backwards.'"

  "Oh, very good!" cried several of those around, "of course it naturallywould. Is that right, Mr. Kong?"

  "If the high-souled company is satisfied, then it must be, for there isno conclusive right or wrong--only an unending search for that whichis most gem-set and resourceful," replied this person, with anever-deepening conviction of no enthusiasm towards the sit-round game."But," he added, resolved to raise for a moment the canopy of a mindswan-like in its crystal many-sidedness, and then leave them to theirown ineptitude, "for five centuries nothing has been judged equal tothe solution offered by Li Tang. At the time he was presented witha three-sided banner of silk with the names of his eleven immediateancestors embroidered upon it in seven colours, and his own name isstill handed down in imperishable memory."

  "Oh, do tell us what it was," cried many. "It must have been clever."

  "'The Dragon painted upon the face of the fan: When the fan is shakenthe Dragon flies upwards,'" replied this person.

  It cannot be denied that this was received with an attitude ofrespectful melancholy strikingly complimentary to the wisdom of thegifted Li Tang. But whether it may be that the time was too short toassimilate the more subtle delicacies of the saying, or whether thebarbarian mind is inherently devoid of true balance, this person waspanged most internally to hear one say to another as he went out, "Doyou know, I really think that Herbert's was much the better answer ofthe two--more realistic, and what you might expect at the pantomime." *

  A like inability to grasp with a clear and uninvolved vision, permeatesnot only the triviality of a sit-round game but even the most importanttransactions of existence.

  Shortly after his arrival in the Island, this person was initiatedby the widely-esteemed Quang-Tsun into the private life of one whoseoccupation was that of a Law-giver, where he frequently drank teaon terms of mutual cordiality. Upon such an occasion he was one daypresent, conversing with the lesser ones of the household--the headthereof being absent, setting forth the Law in the Temple--when one ofthe maidens cried out with amiable vivacity, "Why, Mr. Kong, you saysuch consistently graceful things of the ladies you have met over here,that we shall expect you to take back an English wife with you. Butperhaps you are already married in China?"

  "The conclusion is undeviating in its accuracy," replied this person,unable to evade the allusion. "To Ning, Hia-Fa and T'ain Yen, as thematter stands."

  "Ning Hia-Fa An T'ain Yen!" exclaimed the wife of the Law-giverpleasantly. "What an important name. Can you pardon our curiosity andtell us what she is like?"

  "Ning, Hia-Fa AND T'ain Yen," repeated this person, not submitting tobe deprived of the consequence of two wives without due protest. "Threenames, three wives. Three very widely separated likes."

  At this in no way boastfully uttered statement the agreeably outlinedsurface of the faces around variated suddenly, the effect being onewhich I have frequently observed in the midst of my politest expressionsof felicity. For a moment, indeed, I could not disguise from myself thatthe one who had made the inquiry stretched forth her lotus-like handtowards the secret spring by which it is customary to summon theattending slaves from the underneath parts, but restraining herselfwith the manner of one who would desire to make less of a thing that itotherwise might seem, she turned to me again.

  "How nice!" she murmured. "What a pity you did not bring them all withyou, Mr. Kong. They would have been a great acquisition."

  "Yet it must be well weighed," I replied, not to be out-complimentedtouching one another, "that here they would have met so many fine andsuperior gentlemen that they might have become dissatisfied with my lessthan average prepossessions."

  "I wonder if they did not think of that in your case, and refuse to letyou come," said one of the maidens.

  "The various persons must not be regarded as being on their all fours,"I replied, anxious that there should be no misunderstanding on thispoint. "They, of course, reside within one inner chamber, but therewould be no duplicity in this one adding indefinitely to the number."

  "Of course not; how silly of me!" exclaimed the maiden. "What splendidmusical evenings you can have. But tell me, Mr. Kong (ought it not to beMessrs. Kong, mamma?), if a girl married you here would she be legallymarried to you in China?"

  "Oh yes," replied this person positively.

  "But could you not, by your own laws, have the marriage set asidewhenever you wished?"

  "Assuredly," I admitted. "It is so appointed."

  "Then how could she be legally married?" she persisted, with reallyunbecoming suspicion.

  "Legally married, legally unmarried," replied this person, quitedistressed within himself at not being able to understand the difficultybesetting her. "All perfectly legal and honourably observed."

  "I think, Gwendoline--" said the one of authority, and although thematter was no further expressed, by an instinct which he was powerlessto avert, this person at once found himself rising with ceremoniouspartings.

  Not desiring that the obstacle should remain so inadequately sweptaway, I have turned my presumptuous footsteps in the direction of theLaw-giver's house on several later occasions, but each time the word ofthe slave guarding the door has been that they of the household,down even to those of the most insignificant degree of kinship, havewithdrawn to a distant and secluded spot.

  With renewed assurances that the enterprise is being gracefullyconducted, however ill-digested and misleading these immaturecompositions may appear.

  KONG HO.<
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